Grief is a funny thing. If I had been asked whether I would grieve over my Grandmothers death, I would probably have answered "no." I would miss her, of course, but to bemoan the death of someone who reached her late 90's? That would be selfish.
But here I sit, feeling...discombobulated.
I've had a week where concentration has been difficult. Chores and projects lay about the house, in various modes of incompleteness. Writing more than 2 or 3 sentences at a time has only become possible today.
Except for a few stray moments, none of the feelings I've experienced come under the heading of classic grief (and those moments have been overwhelming). Instead, I feel displaced. As if nothing has really changed, but all of creation has taken a teeny step sideways. And, (please excuse the mixing of metaphors) all of the teeth in my gears are not meshing easily with the gears of the rest of creation. They sort of are, but not neatly.
I absolutely can't stand the sensation of not being able to concentrate.
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3 comments:
I am sorry sister for your pain, in however it is expressed.
Your universe has fundamentally changed and I am not surprised that your gears are grinding teeth. When we lose those who have been in our lives since before there was an us, something in the universe DOES fundamentally shift. When I lost my grandfather a few years ago, I just felt lost. Even though it was expected, he was larger than life and I could not wrap my mind around him not being there.
I have no words of wisdom on the subject but I have heartfelt and sincere compassion in your time of loss. Peace and comfort sister, peace and comfort.
Sometimes grief doens't fit the mold of preconceived ideas of how it should go. Let it flow however you need it to. I'm sorry for your loss.
I've had trouble posting on a few blogger blogs lately, yours included, so I just wanted to come back and say how sorry I was for your loss.
It sounds like your grandmother was an amazing woman.
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