Monday night, I did some trance work. Since it was the first time in nearly two years, and it was successful, I felt pretty good about it afterwards. Elated, even. Writing down, and then reading over my notes, I felt very good about what I had seen and what I had done. Everything was remarkably clear, especially what I needed to do, going forwards. It wasn't until later on that evening that I started to get suspicious; was it too clear? The assignment too pleasing? The rewards for completing said assignment too enticing? That night, I had a series of dreams, all on the same theme. One person after another (some I knew, some I didn't) distrusting of gaining a promised reward, behaving in a way that seemed to lead to short term gain, but actually losing all gains, promises and advancements. I woke up thinking "OK, time for trust and following through on this." That was Monday night, with the decision to trust and follow through, on Tuesday morning.
Tuesday evening, I said publicly that I wished for more useful dreams that night. I got them, oh did I get them. But useful and pleasant are not the same thing. And useful and restful are not synonymous. What sleep I did get was full of nightmares. It took a long time this morning to calm down enough to untangle the threads of the dreams. They were painful to think about, to follow through to their logical ends. But the dreams were useful information. Very useful.
Next time, I will try for useful, with as little pain as possible.
Words for Wednesday
9 hours ago