Poised for reset, in three, two, one...

Chanukah is for family.  Christmas is for my husband, DH.  Yule is for friends and community.  But the Solstice, that is for ME.

This year, all of the holidays/occasions seem to happen very closely upon one another, like the Fortuny pleats on a vintage gown.  Two weeks ago, we attended a Jolfest/Blot/Wedding.  Last weekend was my family Chanukah party/family reunion.  This weekend will be Christmas.  Each event requires planning, cleaning, cooking, gift collecting and wrapping (with the exception of the Jolfest/Blot/Wedding, which only required cooking and some planning).  There is also the collecting of daughters from various cities and schools, and the accompanying readjustment to having more people in the house.

And then, tonight there is the Solstice.  In inspiration, Solstice celebrations are close kin to the celebrations of the other holidays, but for me, the observation is very very different.  Today, I will clean the fireplace hearth and lay the wood for a fire.  At the base of the wood will be the chunk of charcoal saved from last Winters fire; after all, last years fire was successful in seeing us through to the return of the sun.  I will also make sure that there is plentiful firewood on the porch to make it easier to keep the fire going all night.  (This year, there is no snow on the ground, but things are awfully soggy.)  At sunset, the fire will be lit. There will be a light dinner (already prepped!).  DH will come home from work and have dinner.  There will be Chanukah candles.  And a quiet evening.  And DH and daughter will go to bed.

I will stay up.

Solstice is the night that I tend the fire; I tend the hearth and the home and wait, in vigil for the return of the sun.  It is a quiet night, just me and sometimes, the cat.  I will read.  I will meditate.  I will scry in the fire and with my drop spindle. (I am not very good as spinning yarn, but I find it a remarkable aid to scrying.)  I will, most likely, trance.  I will eat and drink lightly, and in honor of those Deities Whom I honor.  The night is long, and the house will get cold.  Come dawn, I will go outside and raise a toast to the return of the light and the Spirits of this place.  Then, I will come back inside, bank the fire, and get into bed, to get what sleep I can before the activities of the day begin.

In some Germanic traditions, the night of the Solstice is Mothers Night, sacred most specifically to Frigga.  She, and her handmaidens will check each household to make sure that all household work for the year is finished, and to reward those industrious souls, and perhaps penalize those who have not finished.  It is a very good thing that mothers are forgiving, because there is no way that I could ever be "finished," not when there are so many varied traditions to be honored.  The Solstice is both my "pause" button and my "reset" button in a busy season, at the end of a cycle of time.  The dark and the quiet and the fire feed me and my spirit, so that I can go back into the bright holiday observations with a lighter heart and without a sapping sense of martyrdom to the season.  It allows me that time to contemplate the year that is ending, and the one about to begin.


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On a related note, Deb, over at Charmed, I'm Sure, is running a program on transforming oneself over this limnal season.  I am not participating, but that has no reflection on what I see as a quality idea-I simply came upon it late, and I already had my own ideas/plans in the works.  While it has already started, there is still time to join in.  You can find the link here:  New Year, New You

(I will admit to a bit of amusement at the title she chose.  "New Year, New You" was the catchphrase that I used to market personal training programs every December/January, when I ran a gym.  If  there is "egregoric" strength to a phrase, this one should do well for  it's participants.)

Awaiting the Reset Button

I'm pretty sure that there is a new blog post percolating. In the meantime, you may find this new publication of interest:

Incantatio
An International Journal on
Charms, Charmers and Charming

Issue 1, 2011, can be read as a pdf file, found here:

http://www.folklore.ee/incantatio/01.html

and sometimes, it is my nature to complain.

Today, I should have cleaned up the gardens to prep them for sleeping though the winter, but I didn't.

They've broken my heart these last two summers, and even though I know I will return to them and care for them, plant them and weed them, croon at them and hope over them; I'm just not ready yet. Two years ago, I found out that I was top listed in the salad bar section of the Zagats guide for deer and groundhogs. I think we salvaged a single tomato for the humans.

This year, I only had one garden to plant (the second one had been taken out of commission, the idea being that DH was going to dig it up, shore up the sides and put in better fence posts...) and I did figure out a way to discourage the critters who so abused my hospitality. So I laid the soaker hose, planted, weeded, and watered. June and July of this year were among the hottest I can remember. The gardens and I were very glad of the huge rain barrels that DH had built. During those months, I pretty much had a continuous drip of water going into the garden bed to keep the plants from drying up and dying in the heat.

It was an OK spring for the salad greens and peas. And the tomatoes did like the heat, especially since I kept the water flowing. And then we got to August, and it rained. I'm not sure what it was like in other parts of the country, but August 2011 was the rainiest single month in my county since written records were kept. September brought us a hurricane and more weeks of rain. (we have lived in this house since 1986, and this summer was the first time that we had ever gotten water in our basement.) If I had a stop motion camera, I'm sure I could have gotten some remarkable pictures of exploding tomatoes. Of course, the topper to all of this was our 16 inches of heavy snow right before Halloween that toppled our apple tree. So, currently I am somewhat broken in spirit regarding the gardens and the planting.

Perhaps coincidentally (or not) during the same time period, I have been trying to learn some material. I'd really like to be done with it, I feel stuck. Several times now, I think I've done it-I'm ready to present what I know and what I've done, so I could move along. But then something intervenes, and I don't. Sometimes, it's my doing, sometimes it is someone else, and sometimes, well, nature and seasons and events get in the way. And then, it feels as if I am starting all over again. Again.

I am always on guard and trying to make sure that I follow through on things, and do what I've told myself (and others) what I've said that I would do. Perhaps it is my flittery Gemini nature that I am on guard against. Maybe it's the responsible older sibling syndrome. I really don't know. But tonight, I will open up my notebooks and start quizzing myself. And tomorrow, weather permitting, maybe I will clean up the gardens.

Social Whirl

Last night, DH and I attended the Witches Moonlight Masquerade Ball. This is an annual event organized by the Bergen Wiccan and Pagan Group, and others, and is a fundraiser for St. Jude Children's Hospital and Four Legs Good, an animal charity that focuses on feral and homeless animals. But, primarily it is just a fun evening.

DH and I are friends with some of the people responsible for this event, but mostly, we were meeting people for the first time (although there was one mutual moment of "what are you doing here?" with a Rennie musician/actor). As I met people, I was really surprised to be told "Oh, I've heard of you!" Really? I admit, it surprised me. I also admit, I have an ego, and it was massaged very nicely.

Even though we are not members of any of the organizing or sponsoring groups, DH and I were asked to take roles in the Samhain ritual that preceded the dinner and dancing. DH was Door Warden, believe me, he can look very intimidating when he wants to, especially with sword in hand!

I was asked to call and hold the West Quarter, a spot where I am happy to be. We weren't able to attend the run-through of the ritual that had been held earlier, and since I am not Wiccan, I was a little concerned about the lack of "stage directions." The HPS reassured me that I should do what was right to me in that Quarter (as long as I stuck to the spoken part of the script, of course), and so I did. That meant that West was done a bit differently from the other directions, but no one and nothing seemed to be bothered by it. I was given a message by one of the Oracles, which, in the way of such things, could be understood in more than one way, depending on whether one of the words was used as a verb or an adjective.

After the Ritual, we partied. There was food and wine and beer at the tables, and a cash bar not too far away. We had an excellent DJ and a large dance floor. For the most part, we were in costume, and there were even some masks at the masquerade. (I wore one last year, but found that it got in the way of the dancing, eating, drinking, schmoozing...) I even came in second in the costume contest, wearing one of my younger daughters kimono.

Many, many baskets had been donated for the Tricky Tray portion of the evening fundraising, and two paintings had been donated for a Silent Auction, including one by Devyn Barat that I really wouldn't have minded taking home with me, except even the minimum first bid was a bit rich for me. I was glad to see that others weren't so constrained.

All in all, it was a good time for a good pair of causes. I am already looking forward to next year's event.

Mid October catch up

Today marks a full week without rain. This hasn't happened since sometime in July. Tonight should be a night of dancing under the Full Moon, but the center of the circle is a mud pit, and footing is hazardous in daylight, without a shift in reality. I hope the Devas (or Wights, or Spiritus Loci, they do seem amused by my attempts to give name and classification to them), will accept a more snake-like movement, with my feet planted, and allow the circle to whirl about me.

I've been waking to the sound of crows. Well, alright, I've been waking to the sound of the alarm clock, but I quickly become aware of the sound of crows. Mid day, and afternoon, they are gone and their sound is replaced by the calls of hawks. All though, I hear the chirping of chipmunks, they are chattier than all the birds put together, not even silencing in the presence of the hawks. And then, come dusk, the crows return.

Weeding the lavender, one is rewarded for patience and slow care. Weeding the roses, one is punished for impatience and lack of total attention. There is a parable and a lesson, here. And I will finish figuring it out, once I finish removing the thorns from my hands and arms and staunch the blood...

Columbia

Columbia, Matron of our Nations Capitol, and by extension, of our Nation. Goddess of Freedom.

Lady, do Thou look after Thy people, so that we may all worship (or not) as we see fit!

(and I am infinitely pleased that her altar is atop a book case.)

Crucible

DH and I finally were able to attend Crucible this year. (Crucible is a convention, for lack of another term, put together by Arthur Moyer and the Omnimancers) We enjoyed ourselves and I was able to take away some useful, if sometimes unintended by the presenters, knowledge.

1. Damn, you people really expect me to keep up with my blogging!

2. DH and I really are older, and more societally established than many (most?) people who attend such events.

3. I finally got to meet some people "in real life" that I have been corresponding with for a while, in some case, years. So pleased to finally sit down with Sara, Jason F., Jeff Mach Kenaz Filan and his wife Kathy, and R.O. And, of course, meeting new people is lovely.

4. I am really sorry that I missed meeting Jow and Deb. We were confused as to whether there was a gathering/party after the last session Saturday night, just as we were about the "closing brunch" at the hotel. And being that we didn't attend the sex magic panel discussion, and there is something about staying overnight in a decent hotel...but I am still sorry that we missed you guys.

5. I learned (or relearned), that while I don't know more than I thought I knew, my body of knowledge is larger, compared to others, than I realized. Not that I necessarily know or have experienced more than everyone, or anyone else on any of the given subjects, but until convinced otherwise, my assumption is that everyone knows more about everything than I do. Lovely to find out that it isn't always true.

6. Jason Miller could probably give a presentation that consisted solely of reading a phone book and make it interesting and entertaining. So when his subject matter is interesting, as his lecture on Malefica was, well, I am just sorry for those of you who missed it. But, FYI, Jason, some of us wear all black because it makes the silver in our hair look better. (feel free to insert smiley face.)

7. It was during the Malefica talk that I gained the most useful insight of the day. Some of you have complained that I rarely explain how I do magic, sticking only to the broadest outlines and the arts and crafts explanations. I've never felt comfortable going into detail on the blog, now I know exactly why I don't.

8. I did feel for R.O. during his talk on “Applied Hermetics: Conjuring a Better Tomorrow." So many of us were with him and watched him work his way through this project over the last few years, that his comment of it feeling like he was presenting to his aunts and uncles made perfect sense to me. He needs a new audience so he can shine properly. It will be well worth your time.

9. The fact that I admit publicly that I am a food snob will surprise people. Given the opportunity, I am also a wine snob, although that did not come up this past weekend. True, the way I phrased it in Jason's hearing sounded horrendous but I can admit, it comes from privilege. Too few calories are NOT a problem in my life (see note #2), so why should I eat anything that is less than excellent? I'd rather not eat food I don't enjoy, just because it is served to me unasked for. Really, starving children anywhere are not better off for my cleaning my plate.